January 2009 Article 1 | Article 2
A Different New Year's Resolution: Change Nothing!
For many of us, the New Year brings an opportunity to reflect on the past year and make new commitments in an attempt to improve our lives. Television commercials promise new bodies that will lead to a happier life. We promise ourselves we are going to be more organized at home, more efficient in the office, smarter in our decision-making. The list goes on and on about how we are going to improve ourselves.
What do we believe would happen if we stopped trying to improve ourselves? What if this year's resolution was to practice acceptance of ourselves just as we are today?
In our culture, the idea of self-acceptance is a foreign one. Many of us have created "truths" for ourselves based on faulty beliefs. We believe that trusting and accepting ourselves now would lead to out of control behavior. We would gain 50 pounds, spend all our money, never show up for work. And so we constantly monitor ourselves to make sure we stay in control.
Making a resolution to accept ourselves just as we are is like learning to live in a foreign land. We must learn to speak a new language and practice new customs. Instead of allowing our inner critic to constantly judge us, we need to find our more compassionate voice. The great news however, is that we all have the capacity to learn this language. But just as a stranger may feel uncomfortable in a new land, we have to practice "hanging out" with this new language. And because it is new, we will need to tolerate the discomfort of not constantly monitoring ourselves making sure we stay in line.
So how do we begin to practice self-acceptance? First, we start by acknowledging that this process takes time. Just as we do not learn French overnight, we do not learn to speak with compassion to ourselves in one day. Second, we practice noticing. Do you wake up in the morning with the goal of being better than you were yesterday? This may take the form of self-talk that starts out "Today I will be more ____________________." (You can fill in the blank; examples are disciplined, productive, etc.). Becoming aware of these inner conversations is a crucial step in cultivating self-acceptance. Lastly, notice your thoughts and feelings after reading this article! Does the concept of self-acceptance make you uncomfortable or does it excite you? Pay attention to what your body feels like; are you more restless or do you feel more relaxed? Remember, there is no right answer, but you may be surprised by what you feel. Practice accepting whatever you are feeling now. The goal is to change nothing; rather we want to practice accepting ourselves, no matter where we may be.
For more information on the process of self-acceptance, please contact us at or call Amy Poppel at 215.716.3120.
The Athena Connection: January 2009 Article 1 | Article 2